What's the next step to take?

Hello.

Good news to bring to you guys. I passed my end term exam!

I manage to pass with at least 70% on my oral exam, listening, grammar and vocabulary. Man.. I was so worried about it. At least one worry down so I can play all I want this coming holiday! To be honest, I really wished I did better though. I don't know why but somehow I just can't pass the 80% mark. Even when I was in secondary school, the most I ever got for my best subject, is 79 points! Like.. what?! Just give me the 1 point already!!

Actually, now, I'm only worried whether there is a class change in the next term. I really like my classmates, I really hope to stay with them until graduation. I don't want a repeat of history where I have to change class every term and everyday. Then I really won't have any real good friends then. But I did manage to find real good buddies during my final year.

Though, I think I still don't have a good buddy in my class yet. I feel pretty left out still. Though I can speak the same language, doesn't mean I'm the same. Sad truth about reality. I try hard to fit in and speak chinese but I guess sometimes I can't help but feel like the effort I put in goes to nothing. I still try to tell myself, maybe I'm not working hard enough to bond with them.

But sometimes I can't help thinking to myself if I'm lying to myself. lol.

19/06/2013

I've been looking at this university's degree course called, Communication with Psychology. It's a mix of what i want to learn. I'm always thinking between mass communication or psychology. I love both just as much and I'm always worrying if I would regret not taking up either one because I can only choose one.

Looking at this course really tempts me. But sadly, there isn't a course like this in Japan. It's really either I take up Psychology or Communication. There is much schools to choose from if I were to take up Psychology as well.

Honestly, I don't have the confidence in passing the EJU either. It seems really difficult and I'm at a losing end for sure because I haven't touched all the other subjects for a really long time. Learning them again seems impossible. It's not exactly impossible but I will have to work really hard to remember what I learnt previously. I'm not sure I'll even be able to do all that either.

I haven't really thought about my future or what I want to do with my life back then. I also didn't really bother with studies. I think it's also because my parents really gave me a lot of freedom as to what I want to do with my life and with what I want to study. So much that I began making decisions myself when I was younger, but also sometimes not knowing whether it's right or wrong, I'll just go do it. I will just have to face with whatever that comes along after, be it good or bad.

Though, to be honest, I did plan for this study abroad but I guess I didn't anticipate that I would pause and start thinking what's my next step. I tried to ask my mom for advice but I hardly ever got any. All my mom ever told me was to take things one at a time and think about it when it comes. But knowing myself, I always like to plan ahead just in case anything were to happen, I can still change my route. So, sometimes I really can't help being a worry-head.

Bad habits are hard to change y'know?