I think I can safely say I'm feeling a lot better. I learn to accept certain things and I'm doing a lot better thanks to my friends talking with my on the phone. I love my friends alot!
Sometimes in class I feel like shit and suffocating still though because of the overwhelming stress from the lessons. No kidding, I didn't know stress can make me feel so suffocated. I guess it's because this stress is like a totally different level from all those I ever had.
School's a bitch. But since when school isn't? haha. I'm not the nerdy kind of student and I can honestly tell you I'm putting a lot of effort in trying to pay attention in class and sometimes I get headache after class. I know where that source of headache previously come from. lol. My brain isn't use to all this information absorbing.
But I'll show you guys a smiling photo of me just to let you guys know I'm getting better.
You know, I realised after coming here, I let certain parts of myself which I probably didn't like take over. So thus making me feeling miserable. Since a few days back after breaking down, I've been calling my good friends through the LINE app and chatting with them.
They made me realise something, I need to be in my bitch mode once in a while. I haven't been in my bitch mode for like.. 2 months straight, so I suppose I feel suffocated and need to let it all out. I try to compromise and accept everything. Then it became too overwhelming for me to even take it. It's so not me. I should complain more instead of trying to compromise and ended up losing myself and being someone I'm not.
I ended up losing that strong willingness and mindset I had before coming here. No wonder I feel like I'm a useless piece of shit who is weak and not able to overcome anything.
I really wanna thank everyone who believed in me and telling me I can do it. How can I forget a part of me....? That's really silly. lol. I just gotta be me and do things the "Chisa" way and somehow or rather even a tiny wee bit, things will go well.
I shouldn't lose sight of what my main aim is. lol. Just like what what Jim told me a few days back. I mean, I don't have time for all this shit. lol. Time to be the inconsiderate and do what I do best, which is the word that Singaporeans like to say... "Chiong!" lol.
Time to go take a quick shower and drink my green tea and so some slow pace studying today. I can't believe I'm getting really lazy on my makeup too. Most of the time, I'm just having my eyeliner on and I'm good to go. lol. Lazy Chisa kicking in! Lol. But this is so much more like me right? haha.
Love you guys. Peace out.
チサキ☆
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