July

Hello.

Last night, I had a music exchange with one of my friends I met earlier this year. It's awesome how you manage to suddenly meeting this person and making friends with them and finds that actually you guys have the same taste in music. Perfect. It's like miracle in the making, isn't it?

I got back reading again yesterday while listening to my tunnel song playlist. The list has officially doubled itself to 44 songs. I introduced some songs over to Zane, I do hope he would feel 'infinite' after listening to them though.

I really can't believe how much my taste in music has changed so drastically. I use to hate Blues. But I think I can get myself to enjoy it on a different level. I guess it's because I use to be all cheerful and naive so I don't get why Blues have to so depressing all the time. At that point of time, I thought such music shouldn't even exist. But I think I can really understand now.

Best compliment ever received yesterday was that I was told I was "classy". To be honest, I've never ever had such a compliment before in my life. It has always been 'cute' or 'interesting'. Not that I dislike such compliments, it's just that sometimes I feel that the person don't really know me yet. But of course I take in any compliments though. It's the thoughts that count, right? Usually when someone tells me that I'm mature or independent, I think that person really saw who I am or at least able to understand a bit about me. I'm sensitive to such comments because of how I look. I don't look like my age so people get the wrong perspective of me most of the time which can be really irritating at times. But I don't blame them, I honestly don't because I'd probably do the same if it wasn't me. So, my only way to conquer that is to give people "the benefit of the doubt".

I woke up this morning feeling like, I want to get myself inked. A cursive word to be inked on my right wrist. I'm not sure it's just a strong feeling, if given the chance, I'd probably have headed down to a tattoo shop to get it done. I've even thought of the word, but I'll think about it even more before really doing so. You know, humans can be a little reckless at times.

Yesterday, I also received word from my friend and that she's going to UK for her internship. I'm not going to lie. I got jealous straight away because UK has always been the country I wanted to go to. But i know that's not how I should feel because she is my good friend. I thought to myself that if it was me, how would I want people to feel about it and I took it that way and congratulated my friend. I really felt happy for her and I don't feel any hint of guiltiness or that I'm lying to myself because deep down inside, I really do feel happy for her. Knowing more details, I told her I'd help her whenever I can because I know how it difficult it is to stay alone in a country you practically know nothing about and having the high possibility of being outcasted.

Oh. You must be wondering why I wrote it down so bluntly that I was jealous knowing there is a possibility that she might read this post. I don't see a point hiding from the truth and fact. This is going be as real as I get here on my blog. I want to be able to look back and tell myself that I've been truthful to myself.

I really want to wish her all the best for her internship and we all can look forward to end of the year when all of us comes home for a countdown again like last year and share our experiences after a year. I think it will be cool. It's like reliving high school for a moment. I really want to wish happiness to all my friends because I love them all very much.

I think reading really helps. Previously, I wrote that I went to get a book called 'Subliminal' by 'Leonard Mlodinow'. It's a neon green book in the psychology section of the bookstore that has another phrase that is bigger than it's tite. It writes, "How Your Unconscious Mind Rules Your Behavior". Well that definitely caught my eyes. Hopefully, it helps me control my emotions better and not let it run wild. Heh.

I'll slowly let you in on why I like psychology so much. I'm not really into the theory part where you diagnose someone with a mental illness though. I'd prefer to know and listen and hopefully give advices in the future and in turn know more about different human experiences and gain more knowledges from there. It's like an exchange of life experiences and learning one from another. That way, we both learn and gain something. Doesn't that sound like how perfect it would be? Well, I really hope it would end up this way. But well, we can all hope.

I'm still reading this book though, hopping between chapters that catches my eyes first rather than reading from chapter one and onto the next. Partly because I want to make reading more interesting, and this isn't a story book where the story should actually flows from chapter one onwards in sequence.

Next to the psychology section in the bookstore was religion. I thought it would be interesting and I picked up one and started browsing. The next moment I found myself thinking, 'This is a load of bullshit.' No offense.

Don't get me wrong. I'm just not as religious as I thought I am but I still believe in god. Not particularly any specific one in any religion. But I just want to respect every religion out there knowing we humans need to have something to believe in whether we like it or not. Just like how we always need people reminding us that "We don't have to feel lonely and that we're never alone." so that we will start believing in it and feel better about life and ourselves.

Another thing I found out about myself that day. I still have so many things I don't know about myself, however, willing to venture.

x.

ps: Hello July, goodbye June.