夏目友人帳

Good afternoon. I had a good night's sleep. I woke up at 6am subconsciously to use to washroom and cook rice so when I wake up I can have my breakfast though. Afterwhich, I went back to sleep.

I forgot to fill in details on what I did yesterday after school with my classmates. I tried on this lottery thingy to see what anime merchandises for this anime called, "Natsume Yuujinchou". Usually I don't collect all the plushie and anime merchandises, but when you're in Japan, it's hard not to because it's everywhere. I really wanted to get Nyanko-sensei though.

27-07-2013
Takashi Natsume from Natsume Yuujinchou

But still, it's really cute. I like Natsume so I'm cool with that as well. I'm also pretty addicted to the UFO catching machine. I guess it's also because when I'm at the UFO machine, I would think that I'm with Shizuka-chan because she likes to catch all the plushie at the UFO machine.

This anime, if you haven't watch it, I would recommend that you watch it. Though it's not extremely exciting, somehow or rather, it got me watching for all 4 seasons and I felt empty after watching the whole anime. I don't mind watching it again though. There should be more of such animes instead of fanservice sort of animes. But I've joined in the crowd in watching "Free!" anime. It's really a fan service anime for the ladies. lols.

I'm hoping it wouldn't rain later because I'm going to go watch the fireworks festival with my classmates. I want something to remember by about summer.

x

Decisions and realization.

Hello. It has been awhile, hasn't it? I haven't been feeling well mentally or physically. It's a constant struggle I've been having ever since I'm being made to come with a decision. But regardless of which I choose, I'll still be here for a year like how I set my goal before setting off. Let's put it simply as finishing what I set out to do.

Though honestly, I think I'm set on my answer after receiving the text message from my mom yesterday, I'm still trying to come to terms with it. As for what I'm going to do from now, is to enjoy this journey and continue to do what I set out to do. Since I've already did some irreversible choices, like taking up the exam and paying for it, and mind you it's not cheap.

I don't want to not disappoint my classmates so I'm going continue to walk with them this journey until the end. But you know, I wish they would take whatever I say seriously. Most probably my existence don't even mean anything to them. But I want to believe that I made an impact and "we were there", or at least whatever happened wasn't a dream and that everything is real and that memory will always be there and a part of us.

I try forgetting a lot of things but I realise that i can't. It can only be a memory locked up inside my brain and once in awhile, it will resurface and remind me of it. Though sometimes I wish it wouldn't. Everything that happened in my life, all left a scar in me. I'm always constantly worry that history will repeat itself. Though, people say that once you have the experience, you'll be able to handle it even better. I understand that very well. However, I wish I never have to go through that shit no matter how much better I can handle it. We all can wish and be dreamers right?

If you ask me, what do I want in life? Honestly, I'm still at a loss. I never did realize that until recently. I always thought I knew. Or maybe I did knew what I wanted and I've sort of accomplished it so I'm finding a new route. I don't think I can find it in such a short time though. As much as I don't want to disappoint anyone, I think I will somehow or rather.

The best support I can get from my friends ever was to hear them saying, "No matter what decisions you make, I'll support you." Though I say this to my friends, I really didn't know how strong those words can be. I guess we'll never know how it feels unless we go through it ourselves.

Just like how I realized after leaving home for this short period of time that how dear everyone I met is to me, and I never really hated anyone. Though sometimes I say I hate that person because of some lame reason which I can never recall afterwards.

I also realized that when one of my friends is sad, I would try my very best to want them to be happy again. Even if I can't, I will be sad with them so as to not let them feel alone. We can be sad together and be happy together. I just don't ever want them to feel alone because no one ever deserves to feel that way. Sometimes I do feel kind of silly to go all out for someone, but I really can't help feeling that way. I don't want to be selfish. I hope I'm not being selfish either.

With all that said, I'm have not come to a conclusion with my decision yet. In order to have more time to think through it, I'm going to buy it. As for how I'm going to do that, it's for you to find out yourself, or you can ask me, but it's up to me to give you an answer or not.

I'm really thankful a few of my friends stay up with me overnight on the phone giving me advices. I really needed it.

I hope you are doing well.

It just gets better.

Hello.

As you can see, I've changed my blog header, new profile pictures. Doesn't this give a different feel from before? Though the quote isn't originally from me, but I really really like that quote a lot. Like I can feel a surge of energy every time I read it.

This blog has pretty much became a daily update thing isn't it? I'm getting more comfortable in writing now so I want to keep that momentum.

All my friends are like asking me when I'm coming back. You have no idea how much love I'm feeling right now. I know it's kind of like a different mindset I had from before, during the first few months when I was here. I can't really explain why and how the change is, but I guess it's because I'm starting to feel more positive about myself and everything around me. Like I finally sorted out what I want to do and think that I really can do it and there isn't anything to fear. I think it's because people always fear failure, thus preventing them from really realising the possibilities. Not that there is anything wrong with that but it's just not very good. Like how they always say, "It will get better". And hell yeah, it does. lol.

I'm heading back during the first week of Summer Holidays, so I have 5 weekdays, 2 weekends to spare. So friends who want to meet up with me, tell me asap and book a day with me. I'll squeeze as much as I can so I don't faint from the fatigue. lols. Though I can sleep all I want in the plane ride back to Japan. But priority are given to my super close friends. They know who they are. lols.

Alright, since it was Friday, I have this habit that you have to go out and chill and hang out abit before heading home. I asked one of my classmates, Emily, if she wants to go out and have dinner together. So we did, but she had some errands to do so we went to Shin Okubo station to get it done before settling down for dinner near the station.

Me (Left) and Emily (Right) having dinner at Coco Ichibanya @ Shin Okubo Station.
05-07-2013

This was taken after we ate. We're really hungry and we're talking about serious stuff. Like, some heart to heart chat. Oh, just between you and me, though it's suppose to be a secret, but you don't know her and she doesn't know you so it's alright, right?

She got a boyfriend recently. She even had her first kiss. I kinda feel like, what have I been doing all my years. I haven't even had my first kiss. I'm too focus on doing what I want most of the time, maybe I should slow down abit and let love into my life. lols. But i'll regret after saying that after I found another new motivation in life that isn't love. lols.

I think my love for curry will forever be in me. It has been awhile since I had Japanese curry and I was kind of craving for it. This is really some real good curry. Yum.

Chicken Katsu Curry @ Coco壱番屋

Anyways, I'm really looking forward to coming for the holidays. I think I mention it quite often but, I really am. Being able to do whatever I want with no worries and being with the coolest and most awesome friends I have in the world? What more can I ask for?

I can also have late night chilling sessions, supper, darts, outings and everything is just so accessible. Transport is really cheap too. I wonder if I still have money in my Ezlink card. Oh! And I'm excited in getting the new coins too!! Really does sound like I'm going for a holiday. Haha.

Summer heat in Japan is no joke. It's like 30 degrees out, the sun is horribly strong and the air is warm, the wind that is blowing is also warm. It's literally an oven outside. I think I'll come home looking like I detoured to Hawaii for a short beach tanning holiday before heading back.

Yes, I want local food marathon when I'm back. I'm not settling for any other food. I only want singaporean cuisine. Chilli Crab, Chicken Rice, Prata, Duck rice, Prawn Noodles, Fishball Noodles, whatever you can suggest that says "singapore". lols.

Can't wait. x

Ps: Are these signs of being homesick or I just simply miss my friends?

New school term

Hello.

Flowery effects. lol

This will be a short one, I hope. If I don't go blabbering but I don't really have the time because I woke up a little later than planned and I still need to prepare for school. It's a rainy morning. Oh yes, school started again yesterday thus not having the time to update. School wasn't the main reason but more of because I was busying skyping with my dear friends, Joseph(aka asshole) and Ivan. Besides the fact Joseph can be an asshole sometimes but he is a really sweet and nice guys. One thing I like to discuss important things with this two people (though just recently) because they can come to decisions without putting emotions in and most of the time politically correct. Wait, does politics come into play? I'm not sure but it sounds right and they do like that sort of topics. Lols.

I'm planning on coming back for the summer, so friends of mine, please prepare your wallet for a dinner like you guys tempted me with. Though it's just for a whole week with weekends and weekdays I think it will be awesome. lols. I don't want to stay for the whole summer holidays because I'm afraid I might not want to come back afterwards.

Flight wise, I'm aiming for SQ because I've never sat on one before though it's my own country's airline and many have said that it was awesome. I thought I'd try something stupid this summer. Oh but wait, don't I always try something stupid, most of the time? Haha. Right. But.. I'm keeping my options open for the possible cheapest flights on other airlines hoping not having to transit because I really hate that seeing it's already 7 hours of (hell) flight, and possible summer promotions? I mean, they should have it right? I'm bad with sales and promotions because I never know when they happen. I'm like a frog in a well when it comes to this.

I'm doing a little plannings to my possible future here in Japan but I'm coming to a conclusion soon (hopefully), by then, I'll let my mother know about it then perhaps tell everyone. Currently, it's 3-0. Whatever it's all about, hints are all on twitter, so you might be able to tell. I'm always open for opinions.

Anyways, a little less serious and a more diary like update for a change of pace. :)

I had brunch at Mcdonalds with my classmate before the new school term start. I asked her if she would want to have lunch together before school, mainly because I don't want to be all awkward on the first day of school. I'm always very awkward on the first day of school. Good news, we're all in the same class so we're still a noisy bunch of pricks. haha.

Oh! This is really random, but I thought of another thing which I really want to get right now. My mother will definitely won't cry over this but would say I'm crazy (like always), is to get a bookshelf. A really nice and british looking one. Since my sister is able to get a keyboard in our room, I'm going to fight my way to getting a bookshelf. I really hope we gets married to her current musically talented boyfriend so I can have my room to myself next time. I use to hate all her previous boyfriends. Ha. I'm just an asshole, I know. :P

I'm looking forward to using my iphone4S again. I'm looking forward to the horrible heat in singapore while indulging in awesome local food and not having to go home really late and still able to take the taxi without caring that it will hit a $100 because it won't.


Need to prepare for school now. Bye.

Ps: The countdown.

July

Hello.

Last night, I had a music exchange with one of my friends I met earlier this year. It's awesome how you manage to suddenly meeting this person and making friends with them and finds that actually you guys have the same taste in music. Perfect. It's like miracle in the making, isn't it?

I got back reading again yesterday while listening to my tunnel song playlist. The list has officially doubled itself to 44 songs. I introduced some songs over to Zane, I do hope he would feel 'infinite' after listening to them though.

I really can't believe how much my taste in music has changed so drastically. I use to hate Blues. But I think I can get myself to enjoy it on a different level. I guess it's because I use to be all cheerful and naive so I don't get why Blues have to so depressing all the time. At that point of time, I thought such music shouldn't even exist. But I think I can really understand now.

Best compliment ever received yesterday was that I was told I was "classy". To be honest, I've never ever had such a compliment before in my life. It has always been 'cute' or 'interesting'. Not that I dislike such compliments, it's just that sometimes I feel that the person don't really know me yet. But of course I take in any compliments though. It's the thoughts that count, right? Usually when someone tells me that I'm mature or independent, I think that person really saw who I am or at least able to understand a bit about me. I'm sensitive to such comments because of how I look. I don't look like my age so people get the wrong perspective of me most of the time which can be really irritating at times. But I don't blame them, I honestly don't because I'd probably do the same if it wasn't me. So, my only way to conquer that is to give people "the benefit of the doubt".

I woke up this morning feeling like, I want to get myself inked. A cursive word to be inked on my right wrist. I'm not sure it's just a strong feeling, if given the chance, I'd probably have headed down to a tattoo shop to get it done. I've even thought of the word, but I'll think about it even more before really doing so. You know, humans can be a little reckless at times.

Yesterday, I also received word from my friend and that she's going to UK for her internship. I'm not going to lie. I got jealous straight away because UK has always been the country I wanted to go to. But i know that's not how I should feel because she is my good friend. I thought to myself that if it was me, how would I want people to feel about it and I took it that way and congratulated my friend. I really felt happy for her and I don't feel any hint of guiltiness or that I'm lying to myself because deep down inside, I really do feel happy for her. Knowing more details, I told her I'd help her whenever I can because I know how it difficult it is to stay alone in a country you practically know nothing about and having the high possibility of being outcasted.

Oh. You must be wondering why I wrote it down so bluntly that I was jealous knowing there is a possibility that she might read this post. I don't see a point hiding from the truth and fact. This is going be as real as I get here on my blog. I want to be able to look back and tell myself that I've been truthful to myself.

I really want to wish her all the best for her internship and we all can look forward to end of the year when all of us comes home for a countdown again like last year and share our experiences after a year. I think it will be cool. It's like reliving high school for a moment. I really want to wish happiness to all my friends because I love them all very much.

I think reading really helps. Previously, I wrote that I went to get a book called 'Subliminal' by 'Leonard Mlodinow'. It's a neon green book in the psychology section of the bookstore that has another phrase that is bigger than it's tite. It writes, "How Your Unconscious Mind Rules Your Behavior". Well that definitely caught my eyes. Hopefully, it helps me control my emotions better and not let it run wild. Heh.

I'll slowly let you in on why I like psychology so much. I'm not really into the theory part where you diagnose someone with a mental illness though. I'd prefer to know and listen and hopefully give advices in the future and in turn know more about different human experiences and gain more knowledges from there. It's like an exchange of life experiences and learning one from another. That way, we both learn and gain something. Doesn't that sound like how perfect it would be? Well, I really hope it would end up this way. But well, we can all hope.

I'm still reading this book though, hopping between chapters that catches my eyes first rather than reading from chapter one and onto the next. Partly because I want to make reading more interesting, and this isn't a story book where the story should actually flows from chapter one onwards in sequence.

Next to the psychology section in the bookstore was religion. I thought it would be interesting and I picked up one and started browsing. The next moment I found myself thinking, 'This is a load of bullshit.' No offense.

Don't get me wrong. I'm just not as religious as I thought I am but I still believe in god. Not particularly any specific one in any religion. But I just want to respect every religion out there knowing we humans need to have something to believe in whether we like it or not. Just like how we always need people reminding us that "We don't have to feel lonely and that we're never alone." so that we will start believing in it and feel better about life and ourselves.

Another thing I found out about myself that day. I still have so many things I don't know about myself, however, willing to venture.

x.

ps: Hello July, goodbye June.