Fucking Terrified

I don't know what I'm feeling half the time these days. When I think about my future, I get nervous and excited. Yet, I know deep down instead I'm terrified. Fucking terrified.

I look back at my photos of my life in Japan. It was brilliant. I love it. I love the people, I love what the culture can offer me, I love every single bit of it; The ups, the downs and the mundane days. But yet, I feel like breaking out of this place because I'm getting too attached, too accustomed to this place. 

The ambitious and adventurous side of me wants to go explore the other side of the world. The reticent and cautious side of me just wants to stay because why not? I'm not ignoring the fact that earthquakes are mighty scary, but that's mother nature. It's not something made up socially so it's all about getting use to it.

I'm thinking that because the path in front of me is full of uncertainties. Why would anyone is the right mind give up everything and start all over again? Especially starting over in a place where you've never been but only dreamed of?

Yet, I have this hunch that if I go on ahead and chase that rainbow on the other side of the world, I might actually be able to find what I want. I might be able to accomplish something. I mean, it's all about the journey, isn't it?

Y'know, I didn't feel this way when I was left with months or weeks before leaving for Japan. I guess it was because I didn't have anything. I was just starting out. I was trying to find my place in the world. Now that I  finally found a place in the world, It makes it a lot harder to step out again. Why? Because we, humans, seek stability.

I need to find more resolve for this journey or I'll get left behind. When will I find an answer to whatever I'm feeling right now? x

It's both exhilarating and nerve-wracking

Some of my best friends have graduated from college but I'm happy to still be able to meet up with them during my final semester. We're all looking forward to our graduation ceremony this August. It would be like a mini farewell to everyone as we all take on the next leap into another phase of our lives. Some will be heading to universities and some would go on ahead into the working society. Regardless of which path people take, everyone is moving on. It's really exhilarating and nerve-wracking just thinking about it.

I know it's still quite early to be talking about graduation since it's just the third week into my final semester. But I can't help thinking about it because time files without anyone realising it. I am willing to bet 1000 yen that before I know it, I'll be in my graduation gown (again). What can anyone really do to slow down time? No one. The scary part about nature.

I'm both excited and terrified about what's going to happen tomorrow, the day after next, and the weeks, months and years to come. When will I ever live in a life without fear and excitement? Never. Because that's also the beauty of life. I'm glad to be alive. x

PS: I've picked up a new book and I'm already one quarter into it. Amazing. I love reading memoirs.

Hello May.

Nonokaze Hotel @ Hokkaido

It has been about a week since I'm back in Tokyo. I've been trying to pick myself up ever since coming back. I had to adjust back to school life in less than 24 hours. I also had to get my creative juices back and stay motivated for the new and final semester of college. 

To be honest, I haven't been able to get all the momentum back. It's difficult. Really difficult. I don't have much creative juices to begin with so I really need to get it all back or this month is going to be really unproductive. But it's okay to have some down time, right?

This is what I feel like doing recently. I want to go on a long train ride to somewhere I've never been to. I want to go on an impromptu trip to the countryside during a cloudy and gloomy day. It sounds nice. I'd like some of that. 

On the other hand, I've been well. I've been trying to shed some weight gained during my Hokkaido family trip. I hope to produce something awesome for my final semester project for my mass media module. We all can hope. I want to graduate proudly this time. x

PS: Hello May.

Reenactment of the Battle of Kawanakajima

Hey guys, I was away on a family trip to Hokkaido without my laptop so I couldn’t share when it was uploaded on youtube. I was in Yamanashi Prefecture to film this episode. This video is about annual festival in Fuefuki city of Yamanashi Prefecture. In this festival, it reenacts a famous samurai battle between two samurais, Uesugi Kenshin and Takedashingen, called the 'Battle of Kawanakajima'.

Anyone who played 'Samurai Warriors' would have heard about their names. It's one of my favourite hack and slash games!

 I had so much fun filming this, I was obviously being silly half the time. Kudos to another fellow reporter who narrated the opening of this video! Check out this video. Don’t forget to subscribe for more videos about Japan and give this video a ‘like’ if you enjoyed it. :)

Also, check out their facebook and homepage for more information! :)

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/asean.japan.nettv

Homepage: http://www.asean-japan-net.tv/

I've posted some of the photos I've taken on Mongira. Click here to check it out!