Step one: Sent

19th January 2015
A little something less selfie-ish

Hello. How has the new year been for everyone?

I am done with my applications to universities and I'm impatiently waiting for a reply. I can't express how glad I am that I've gotten this huge boulder off my shoulders. I've been having horrible anxieties because of university applications. I almost couldn't click the send button because my imagination goes into a downward spiral. I was a lazy-ass student and had awful grades. My applications always get rejected because of that. That is why even now, I didn't have any confidence when it comes to applying to schools. Thankfully, I was able to do it because my awesome friends, family and professors helped me and gave me tons of encouragement.

Even though I still can't accept the fact that grades are more important than passion, I do understand the value of education. Especially, those helps me to understand the worldly affairs and not some stupid math question. Nonetheless, wisdom is power.

PS: The photo above photo of me was taken earlier this week. I must say, I'm liking how my hair looks right now! I'm trying my best to look my age, did I do well on that? 

Melancholy music keeps me sane.

25th December 2014
Group selfie from my trip to Osaka during the winter break

I decided to post up a photo of myself with my awesome friends because I felt that my blog was missing a little personal touch - selfie. I don't take selfies that often anymore. I guess I just couldn't be bothered dressing up to look nice for the camera anymore. I prefer to show my weird side because I think that's who I really am. If I don't feel like having my photos taken, I'll just do a weird expression to hide all the insecurities and laugh it off later.

It's the end of the first week of school and it was alright. I'm happy to be able to see my friends again. I'm happy to be out in about on the streets and mingling with other people. I'm getting slightly annoyed by the current length of my hair and would want to visit the hair salon soon. I'll be working part-time in school this semester. It's not much but at least I get some income.

I guess this is all I really want to write right now. I wrote a bunch of stuff but deleted them. I don't even know why but it happens regularly. I'm getting so stressed right now for a bunch of reasons and I don't really want to talk about it because it's all messed up in my head. I can't even get it sorted out in my brain. But I'll give a little hint on what is causing it - "What do you want to do after you graduate?"  What the bloody fuckery. x

Highlights and wrap-up of 2014

Hello, I just got back from school about 2 hours ago. I stayed behind until 9pm because I had to meet my writing teacher so she can proofread my personal statement. Just a little more before I can throw all these application stuff aside. I hate the anxiety that comes from this!

Anyways, before I miss another whole month worth of update and be extremely late on my wrap-up of 2014, I'm going to write something.

Last December was my winter holiday and I think I did almost nothing really productive, but I did finish up part 1 of my vlog to Osaka. Part 2 of the trip will be up soon but I think it would be a really short one. Nonetheless, I'll try to finish it by the end of this week! (Procrastination) Meanwhile, here is Part 1 of my short trip to Osaka which I really enjoyed. I try to make all my vlog with a reminisce feel to it so when I look back 10 years later, I can either cringe at my bad video editing or smile at the wonderful time I've spend in Japan.


Moving on... I guess 2014 was really awesome because there was so much major changes in my life that helped me grow as a person and move on in life. I think I've wrote this many times as I try to reflect back almost every other month, I apologise. It's a habit of mine to do monthly self-reflections so I'd be more appreciative of the world and people around me. Trust me, it does help me to stay humble.

Highlights of 2014

• Accepted to an American liberal arts college
• Reconcile with my sister (we're practically best friends now. Okay, maybe not yet)
• Total makeover of my hair and style
• Picked up photography (a tiny bit of film/video)
• Met so many inspiring people in college
• Learnt more about myself and gained more self-confidence
• Went on small solo trips around Tokyo.
• Went on a trip to Osaka with my friends from College

I guess this is all that really happened. I hope I didn't miss anything. I didn't exactly have any new resolutions made during 2014. I always make goals throughout the year, and once they were completed I strike them off and forget that I actually made goals. Nonetheless, I think I've achieved quite a bit last year and I really enjoyed 2014.

This year didn't start out too well, but I think everything is starting to pick up. Though, I just received word that my pet dog Doli, is currently deaf. I really hate to have to witness it myself this coming summer. Nevertheless, like how I swallow all the harsh realities, I will swallow this truth down my teeny-tiny throat. 

 

Yesterday, I went to Meiji Jingu Shrine, like how I always do every year, and did some praying for the new year. I asked kami-sama for a smooth year ahead, as well as praying for my university applications. Then, I picked up an omikuji, and according to my friend there would be obstacles ahead but I will be able to overcome them. I always get such fortunes whenever I have huge plans ahead for the year. As much as I hate hearing that, I'm quite relieved that it says that because it means there is still hope.

I haven't really draft out any huge plans for 2015 yet but I will definitely be going back to Singapore this coming summer after graduation with my Associates of the Arts Degree in Liberal Arts. I know it's really no big deal to others but I'm bloody proud of myself to have even got so far in my education (I was a trashy student). To be honest, I really can't wait to be home because I really miss my friends and family. I miss my pet dog BB too. I misses how he annoys me every night to go to bed because he wants to sleep in the air conditioned room. 

I'm going to take a quick shower now. x

216 days.

First rant of the year

This is my first update of the year 2015. I've decided to write because I couldn't sleep. I think I messed up my bio clock just before school re-opens.(hurray, NOT). This may sound more like a rant rather than anything happy. I apologise to be starting out so negatively. But, honestly, there are too many "I'm-so-thankful-for-all-the-memories-and-things-I've-learnt-and-experienced-in-2014,-thank-you-everyone-who-had-been-a-part-of-it" post so No Thank You. I am not going to jump on the bandwagon. Though, honestly, I do feel the same way as everyone else who posted that. I am thankful but I'm not going to make a post declaring my love because I think this sort of things should be private and only for my loved ones to know how I really feel. Also, because declaring your love on social networks are so overrated (Or should I say, so last year! lol).

Moving on... I just figured out the source of my anger, annoyance and irritation in the last few days. Yes, sorry to be a party pooper but I wasn't really in the mood to celebrate the new year. Just so you know, my source of annoyance had nothing to do with hormones. It was just something that happened which apparently had crossed my personal boundaries. Not to mention, I have a sore throat right now. It is giving me much discomfort that it is adding on to my annoyance. (what an awesome way to start the year 2015)

People who know me knows that I am usually pretty carefree, and I  can compromise to loads of things. This is perhaps the first time I felt so violated. Maybe violated isn't the best word but I can't think of any other words at the moment. At first, I thought it was because I was going through a phase in my life which I believe many would like to call it "quarter-life crisis". But, I wasn't really worrying about all that too much so that is definitely not it. Then, I thought it was because I was feeling lonely because I didn't go back home this winter holidays to hang out with my friends. Thankfully, I realised that it wasn't the case about few hours ago when I was trying to sleep and was in this "self-reflection-session-before-i-enter-dream-land" moment. So, I paced around my house, and try to do the usual things I do at home like, editing photos, watching animes and killing some zombies with my guy pals. Unfortunately, it didn't work at all.

Afterwhich, I decided to go into 'zen mode' in which I tell myself to calm down and do some observation and more self-reflection to find out the source of the whole problem. Then, a sudden enlightenment! I found the problem and there was really nothing I can do about it since the damage have been done. Now that I realised it, everytime I do happen to stumble upon it or think about it again, I get so pissed that I want to scream and punch somebody. However, since, I am a loving homosapien, I've decided not to. But it was also then, I started to get slightly depressed as I reflect how stupid I was. Following that, was my constant temptation to want to give myself a face-palm or a smack in the face.

This is basically how I started my year 2015. Not a very good start but I am hoping that the rest of the days until school reopens on the 5th would be a pleasant one. I do hope no one tries to break the solitude that I call my apartment and bed. Yes, even though I may seem like an extrovert, I am a homebody.

xoxo. Happy New Year.

PS; I've uploaded a bunch of backlog photos on my tumblr. If you would like to take a peek at it --> here &  here.
PSS; Some of the photos from my Osaka trip is also up there. If you would like to take a peek at it --> here & here.