And.. it's already 2023.

Hi there. 

This a little life update after years of silence. Why am I back here? I met new friends with really positive vibes that encouraged me to take up my camera again which led me to find my little safe space here. I tried journaling with a pen and notebook but I got a doctor's handwriting so that wasn't the most motivating. I tried therapy but it broke my wallet. So, ta-dah! Here I am to dump all the baggage here like how I used to.

A series of unfortunate (or fortunate; however one would like to look at things.) events happened all at the same time last year - a terrible heartbreak, the loss of one so dear to me, and a career rut. All I can say is that was probably one of the lowest points of my life. I was so close to giving everything up. Literally. But thankfully, I have the most annoying amazing friends around. So here I am, alive and still struggling with self-diagnosed social anxiety and seasonal depression. (laughs)

This, in my terms, is great news. The fact that I can still type it down means I am getting better or that I need more affirmation from people. (Laughs)

Nevertheless, I do feel better right now to restart my photography journey. I can feel my "photography vision" coming back to me. And, to you who are reading this, feel free to join me on this journey if you'd like.

I'm going to end this with a photo I took a couple of weeks ago. Enjoy.

28 March 2023
Sakura tree on a cloudy day.

xoxo.

Blessing in Disguise

Hello there. I am doing mentally better and proud to say that I have many days where I have complete inner peace. No noises in my head at all. It feels awfully weird. I suppose it is because I hardly have any days of mental peace and that instead became the 'normal' state of mind.

I think I was able to feel more at peace was because of the extraordinary series called "Anne with an E" which Mike happen to stumble on Netflix. One day, he told me to watch it with him during lunch and I fell in love with it almost immediately. At first, I was a little reluctant to like the protagonist because I recalled how similar she was to me and I knew what was coming for her. But I cannot deny how much of a strong connection I feel with the protagonist and the similarity between us when I was the same age. Watching the protagonist stay a positive mind and always overcoming all odds reminded me of myself. The part of myself that I seemed to have forgotten. I started to remember all the amazing time I had when I was younger, and that how much of a fighter I was before I started to crumble to societal pressures. It reminded me of how I also overcome all odds and got to where I am today.

Even after finishing all 3 seasons of it, I still go back and watch it and run it through like a podcast because the drama not only provides me with inner peace, the topics they discuss and talk about were also extremely empowering and provides so much hope and scope for the imagination! The empowering messages in the series were very well written; almost poetic, and the messages were delivered with a good neutrality and balance which is unlike recent and many series were a little too "in your face" forceful and stereotypical.

I think it will be my new 'bible' for now that I play on repeat on days when I can since it helps me feel at peace. Life surprises you at the moments when you least expect it. Cheers to more days with inner peace!

Before I head to bed, let me share a photo of this cosy little restaurant during our restaurant adventures last year. They serve excellent quality of Italian food and water from a glass bottle. 

8th Dec 2019

Good night.

Xoxo.

Hello 2020

Hello, 2020. This year marks my seventh year living in Tokyo, Japan. I hope this year will be brighter than the last.

I don't wish to start the first blog post of the year this gloomy but I hope to be honest about why I was so quiet for the past 2 years. I was not in a good place mentally and it was really difficult to pretend that I am well. So, I sought the easiest route - to disappear.

I thought by quietly disappearing from social media, I will be forgotten. And eventually, if I were to really disappear from the face of this earth, it will not bear any burden to anyone because I, to begin with, did not even exist.

I did pop by once in a while on my social media on my better days to keep track of days where "I made it". But most days, I was simply in a complete slump. There were months when I simply could not even touch my PS4. I was not able to enjoy playing games or taking photos anymore. So, they were just there to collect dust. The guilt of not being able to do them made me feel even worse.

Of course, there were stable weeks where I feel simply the best and was in my ought most confidence. Luckily enough, during those weeks I met my current boyfriend. That was also why I was able to squeeze out one blog post in 2019. Despite all the BS I still have to deal with at this shit hole company, he was there for me for the most part being a good listener. So, now I am in a better place, mentally, right now.

I'm playing games on my PS4 a lot more now. And, we also have games we can play multiplayer offline. We even got a new switch to our gaming collection. I even got a chance to travel to Italy with him and I took a bunch of photos.

I hope to share those photos and a sum-up of our trip. I also hope to share some game reviews as well. I want to share more of our journey together and make this blog a positive space.

The sky and sea were absolutely stunning in Sicilia Italy. If only the blazing summer sun was as tolerable, I'd give it full points.



C.

Another Year Gone...

Hello 2019.

I am back from my hiatus. I think I am ready to share bits of my life again on this space.

Around the mid of Last year I decided I needed a break from everything. I kept away from social media and focus on real life. I needed to reorganise myself and prioritise myself and my own mental health. I've decided to cut out toxic people from my life. I simply felt like I needed that and be gone with all the drama and nonsense. I am glad I did. Now, I feel like I am in a better place. I am happy in my new apartment, my new job and with my new(hopefully the last) boyfriend.

I apologise for making my friends worry for me. But just know that I am in a much better place now. I hardly share things on social media anymore because I am focusing a lot more on real life. I am also focusing a lot more on gaming and spending time with my boyfriend. Being with him makes me really comfortable and happy. He is very patient with me and takes really good care of me. I will try to share our adventures together someday soon.

Meanwhile, let me share a photo of our recent dining at this vegetarian friendly place at Omotesando. My boyfriend loves this place. I really enjoyed to food so I hope to come back soon to try other dishes they have.

Mr Farmer, Vegan friendly cafe in Tokyo, Japan.

I hope to write again soon.

Be right back

Good evening. I apologise for neglecting this space even though I told myself to write at least once a month. The past two months were rather busy. I couldn’t find the time to sit down and do self-reflection like I hoped to. I had the ‘honour’ of experiencing how it was like living in the countryside and living out of a luggage. I never thought I’d be travelling this much but I made several trips back to Tokyo and to Kansai in just these two months. I guess I was also homesick and thus I’d jump at any chance I get to go back to Tokyo even if it would be tiring. Anyways, now that I am here and a little bit better rested, I will fill you in with what went on in the past two months.

I only received information during my first week of work that I will be posted to Mie Prefecture for three months for my job training. I barely had time to prepare or do anything since work has begun. For the first two weeks there was a lot of moving around to visit various offices in the country. It was done so that we can formally introduce ourselves and be introduced to the company that we would work in. That was a tiring two weeks of new employee general job training. After which, I had to prepare to leave for Mie Prefecture. That’s when my three months of job training formally begun. I was busy trying not to screw up on my Japanese business etiquette while trying my best to learn as much as I could on my job. That, for sure, took up most of my energy so all I am looking forward at the end of the day was just to wash up, listening to some comforting tunes and head to bed. Don’t get me wrong though, the people here were really kind and friendly. I was simply being my old potato self, afraid that I’d say something strange and be labelled as the strange foreigner in the office (though I don’t stand out at all since I am also very much Asian like everyone else).

Soon, it was golden week in Japan. I was excited to go back to Tokyo. A city-kid like myself simply cannot be apart from the busy, noisy, dirty streets of the city for too long. I was counting down the days to when can go hope on the Shinkansen to go back to Tokyo once my schedule was approved. I spent the first half of my week in Tokyo, Toyama. I wanted to go back to Tokyo first because I wanted to spend time with my man before all of us went on a trip together with his mates to Toyama to visit the famous Tateyama Kurobe Alpines. The whole trip was us doing a lot of travelling to see the Alpines. It was a great view but I was exhausted by the time we reached back to our ryokan, I’m not sure if I remembered clearly what I saw that day. Haha. The latter of the week, was spent in Osaka. It was great to visit Osaka again because I got to explore and enjoy Universal Studio Japan more than the last trip alongside a great travelling companion. It was an enjoyable trip but travelling always tires me out so sometimes I’d wish to have a more relaxing holiday. Maybe I’ll do something relaxing on the next long break.

When June begun, I went back to Tokyo over the weekend for my graduation ceremony. Yes. After six long months after graduating from university, I finally walked the stage! It was great being able to see familiar faces again and to be back in crowded busy Tokyo. Unfortunately, I had to leave Tokyo shortly after the ceremony because I had to catch the Shinkansen back to Nagoya. I am so used to taking the Shinkansen now that if I was given an assignment by my company to be travelling this far every weekend, I probably won’t complain about it. Lol.

Graduation class of 2018!

I’m currently at my final month of job training over in Mie Prefecture and will be heading back to Tokyo for work soon. It will be another round of packing, moving all over again. Very much dreaded adult stuff but I think I can handle it better on my own right now. I’m just hoping it will be smooth and lesser mental breakdowns. Pray for me.

I’ll write again once everything has settled down. xoxo