Lack of sleep but feel like writing something

Good afternoon.

Second day at friend's house. The "Beijing Roast Duck" we had was pretty awesome in my opinion. Or maybe it was because it was a long time since I had duck meat for awhile. 

Need to head back tonight because school starts again tomorrow. Oh bummer. Just when you're in the mood to chill and have fun. I did a little practice yesterday for English. Though like, to most people, like my teachers and classmates, they would think its not exactly needed or a bunch of bollocks just because I can speak it. But I know where my standard stands so I want to improve on that. At least I got at least 60% on the few exercises I did so I guess it's a good sign. I'll get it to 80% as I go on. Hope to finish all that and move on to the next subject though.

Side note, I really hate it when people belittle me. Especially guys. I mean, I did nothing to deserve that because I myself did not belittle others unless that person is a total asshole. I mean, I'm pretty accepting to a lot of things. Also, I'm usually pretty careful when it comes to talking with people and friends. I mean, I learnt to be considerate no matter how close I am to that friend and know when not to go overboard with the teasing and jokes.

Anyhows, yesterday my appetite wasn't good. First day of my period and having low blood pressure for the whole day. Not the best day, huh? I kinda wished I didn't go to my friend's house even though I sorta suggested to have a gathering though. I mean, the least I would want to do is to back out. It's not very good to back out on whatever that is planned though. To be real honest, every time I do that, I feel really bad inside. Sometimes it's just something I can't help but to cancel meetings off last minute. Y'know when you're feeling all blah and stuff, you just don't want to meet people? Or, just feel really tired and just needed a rest from a bush schedule? Yeah, that sort of moments. Of course, these are just the few, there are tons of others though, that probably doesn't sound like an excuse, or rather, more legit.

Anyhows, it's the first time I'm blogging through the blogger app on iPhone and I'm pretty much liking it. I have a thing for certain fonts which makes me be in a mood for writing. 

Earlier on, I just re-watched "The Perks of a Wallflower". Still as beautiful as ever. This is probably the 5th or 6th time I'm watching this film. If you haven't watch it, please do so. Highly reccomended.

I like movies that allows you to think and reflect along the way in the movie and allows you to take back some life lessons. Also, leaves you totally empty afterwards because you can't believe it ended. Making you not mind watching it the second or third time. I'm not into those that are just plain horror and stuff. 

Did I mention about this movie called "脳男" (nou otoko)? It's a Japanese psychological thriller. I managed to catch it on the plane back to Japan after my summer holidays. Oh boy, there is so many selections in the Singapore Airlines. I'm totally amazed. Anyways, it's not just some plain thriller, I sorta learn some things about life I guess. Can't really say what though. Memory is all fuzzy right now. But when it comes out on DVD or something, you can probably rent it to watch or something, not bad of a movie. I cried a little bit at the end though. 

One of the quotes that always hit me when I watch "The Perks of a Wallflower".  

Why do we choose the wrong person to love...?

We accept the love we think we deserve.

Is it possible to make the person think they deserve more?

We can try

Or somewhere between those few lines.

Yeah, I hope something would come by and tell me I deserve more than whatever is in front of me. But sometimes I'm feeling less humble, I would think, "hell yeah! I deserve more than this piece of shit". But I get back to my humbly self after the bitch mode after awhile. Lols.

Oh wait, this sounds like a self confession sorta thing. Well, not really. I'm not sure. Heh.

Anyhow, feeling a lot better after writing, I think it's the lack of sleep taking a toll on me. Y'know, lack of sleep will make someone cranky and stuff. It's bad. Also, makes your skin bad. Sleep earlier whenever you can! That's an advice and its something I try to promise myself to do every night. No kidding. 

Oh yeah, am I the only one who feels embarrassed whenever my friends tells me they read my blog? I always do. The first thing that pops up in my brain is, "oh god. Why did you tell me that. It's so embarrassing!" Not that I mind them reading, it's just letting them read my horrible writing and sometimes honest thoughts... Makes me feel naked around them. But I don't really like to hide my true self in front of people though, because if I want my friends to like me, I would want them to like me for who I am. The real me. 

I'll write again soon. Love. Peace out.

It's almost 4am here.

12/08/2013

It’s late but I just packed my luggage getting ready to fly back to Tokyo. The trip back home started out bad and awkward because I had to get use to the culture back at home and it’s something I didn't really like about but I got use to it after a few days. But it's "home" we're talking about so it's easier.

In the middle of the trip, I met up with all those people who I can talk trash with and talk serious shit about and the trip became really meaningful though I haven't really found an answer but I can say I sorta freshen up and stuff. I hope I'm ready to continue this tough road again. lols. OTL.

My luggage is heavy and I have to hand carry my clothes up the plane and another bag with my laptop and all the important stuff. What a journey it will be when I land in the airport and battle with the weight of the luggage back to the dormitory. I’m not looking forward to it.

Staying alone in another country is no joke. In another culture and being with friends who is also from a different culture. It’s like having to juggle 2 cultures at one go and having to perfect 2 different languages at one time. Having to adjust to the languages and translating back to the language you are better at and more comfortable with so you'd really understand what they are trying to say, it’s really tiring. But looking at the bright side, I can officially speak 3 languages, though I'm master of none and still pretty bad at the other 2, but in my opinion, it's better than nothing.

I don't want to give a shit anymore if anyone tells me my chinese sounds like it's from China. Chinese/Mandarin originated from there so at least I'm speaking it the proper and right way. Shouldn't you be ashamed that you're not speaking the language properly? Looking bad at my chinese previously, it's so bad I feel like slapping myself for not learning it properly when I was younger. And come on, free lessons everyday? lols. Not something you get all the time either.

If anyone thinks I'm not working hard enough, I'd say "screw you". You're not in my shoes to say that. I have to juggle so many more, also I'm not doing very well in my academics either. Also, you have to self motivate you when almost everything is not exactly working out the way you want and you're all alone in a tiny 17m^2 room. It's pretty depressing if you ask me.

But then again, why would anyone in their right mind would want to leave their comfort zone. Having a nice comfortable home and everything you need? Well, that's something I question myself once in awhile when I'm in Japan. It got more frequent when I had slight walking depression. I read about this earlier today on facebook. Most of the symptoms matched so I guess it's pretty much it. I'm really thankful I managed to pull through or it can get really bad.

A bittersweet trip back home. I'm starting to miss all my friends knowing I’m going to leave them again. But I can't deny I also miss my friends in Japan though I think they don't really miss me as much as I do.

Once I grow attach to someone or something, I just can't let it go so easily. Sometimes I really hate that part of myself. That is why I don't really want to be in a relationship. Besides all the extra commitments and responsibility, if I’m not able to be with that person, I'll start missing that person and I’ll start to feel like shit. I hate to feel like shit. I just want to be happy. No really. I really just want to be happy. That’s pretty much my motto in life right now.

Try asking me what do I want to do with me life, I'll just keep telling you the same answer. I'm envious of people who know what they want to do. Someone like Niku. I just realised he is someone who I always want to be. Similarly to why I love Taka so much that I always tell people, "hey, that's my husband. Pretty cool guy huh?". I look up to him so much.

I'm not sure if it's just plain admiration or some sort of other attraction. Y'know, the word that starts with "L". Something until now that I'm still afraid to venture. Man, I'm not even sure when will the flower bloom. Looking at some of my friends, getting married or almost getting married sort of relationship. It does somewhat make one envious of the other. I mean, look at their smiles. Couldn't get any wider than that.

Oh? Wondering why I'm not asleep? Well, I think it's because I'm really nervous on going back Tokyo. As much as I want, I'm also not really looking forward to it. I'm not really sure if I'm ready for all that stress and jazz.

This post is a little special. It's just simply me typing as I go through my thoughts. Some sort of reflection on this whole week and such. Like, finally getting my thoughts straightened up and just plain ranting and stuff. This probably isn't the full story and probably some are repetitive. But yes, this post is so easily written, I feel proud about myself. Usually I can't write properly because I'm always thinking of how people would judge me and stuff. I know, it's lame but it's just the insecurities acting up time and time again. It's inevitable.

I shall head to bed now. I'll write again soon. That is also when I'm back in Tokyo. Good night and Good morning to some. Cheers.

A day out with bestie.

Hello. Good day.

I had a awesome day yesterday. I hope you had a good day yesterday.

Let's summarize it up. I went out with my bestie, Shizuka. We can get pissed or irritated with each other sometimes but when we see each other all that anger will just disappear straight away. It's an awesome friendship which I'll cherish forever.

Initially, we planned to sing karaoke in the morning and continue our day shopping, then dinner. But because I was so tired, I woke up late and called it off and decided to meet a little later. We decided to go shopping then dinner at this place called "Bijin Nabe" 【美人鍋】 ,or "Beauty Pot".

A short video taken when we had our dinner at this restaurant called "Bijin Nabe". I can't stress how yummy it really is. I'm no food critic so I can't do the description or anything of that sort so I'll just tell you to go try it if you can.



Also, having it with your best friend, it's the best homecoming dinner ever! I had quite a lot of homecoming dinners already so I have officially gained weight. So far, I've been having hot pot for dinner though it's suppose to be summer.

Talking about summer, the moment I woke up, it was pretty chilly. Oh the perfect weather to continue sleeping, entering dreamland. But I decided not to and woke up to play a little Persona 3 on my PSP. I just got a PSP it was a gift for me to tide me over when I'm feeling bored living in Tokyo, or when I want to take a break from stress and whats not. I've also gotten a new game on my Steam account. It's an introduction from my brother, Torchlight 2. We can play together online so I'm really happy. I'm always be big fan of my brother. But sometimes I just can't agree with his opinions even though they are not exactly wrong. But I want to do it my way, you know how people can be stubborn. Those are one of those times.

Shizuka & Chisaki
12/08/2013

We took a photo together and we did the same pose. I suppose that's why people saying that we look a like. I suppose the similar thing I can see is the pose, how small our eyes are and our fringes. But I'll take those comments as compliments. lols.

Also, I've got compliments on my new hair color. Well, the color has already faded off really badly in this photo. So, having a faded hair color and still getting compliments from it, I'll gladly accept those compliments with open arms!

We also went shopping together and bought clothes. She's practically my fashion consultant. She's really good with fashion so it's good to ask her along for advices. I'm not good with fashion, I'm usually going for comfort and simple wear. I also bought new makeup setting spray from urban decay! I still can't believe there is no urban decay shop in Tokyo. How is that possible?

My summer holidays are coming to an end really soon! My room is a mess, my table is a mess. Thinking of packing my luggage and cleaning up the mess hoping not to forget anything, that's one of the worries I'm having. But I still have some errands not done yet. I'm really lazy to get my butt out of the house. No really. This cooling weather thanks to the rain, I want to crawl back into my bed and sleep the day away. I haven't been able to catch up on my sleep yet. I guess I'll have to do that in the plane and on the sunday before school starts next monday.

I think I'm pretty much recharged to go ahead for the next race. No promises though.

xoxo.

I just want to be happy

Talking about our future, there is always so much uncertainty with step we take, no matter how much we plan for it, being able to adapt to the changes will really help.

Until now, I'm still trying to balance out my life with my studies before moving on and taking the next step. So, every opinion and advice that is given to me means a lot.

End of the day, the real question is, "what do I really want?"

I can tell you the answer. I just want to be happy. It's really simple as that. Honestly, I know I can't be happy where I am right now. I know I can't totally be happy in Japan either, but one day I'll find out where exactly. 

I have a few things I hope to major in when I enter University. I always get comments and opinions on how stupid on those that I want. If it's useless, then why is there such a major in it? That has to be a reason why. But honestly, if I'm just going to go study in the next 3~4 years on something I don't like just to fit the society, I know I won't be happy. Since it's going to be the last official education, I want to study something I want and be proud of it. I've never really got to study in a course that I really want because education can be a bitch at times. 

I never believe one can be happy with money. I really don't mind if I get to work in a place and do the things I like but just getting a pay that is able to sustain me with the minimal, I'm fine with it. After all, if I'm doing something i like, my life will be all about work, I don't really have to spend on other wants. Either way, I get to save up, isn't it? Once I'm happy, I'll be able to look at everything with a positive outlook. That really does help in a lot of situations.

I still haven't come up with a definite answer. But I do know I want to stay somewhere away from home because I want to keep on challenging myself. Though, I know how tough it is to be alone. Sometimes it gets really lonely and depressing. But I get all the freedom I want. Besides all this, there is tons of pros and cons, no doubt. I'm not going to go into details on that.

My first week of summer holidays ended. I got to meet new people, I got to meet up with my friends. New bonds were made, new happy memories were made too. I felt like this trip so far, has freshened me up a little. Hopefully, giving me a drive to go on to the next step on my journey. Though, it's still kinda early to say anything. 

I've eaten a lot of yummy food as well. It's time to go for a diet again. To girls, diet is an everyday thing so, don't bother telling a girl not to diet. It's a girl thing. I also learnt something about the "bro code". 

Stupid and silly things I do with my friends. The silly expressions we make. The crazy night outs with friends. The chilling and heart-to-heart talk moments. They will be missed. I can't do those here in Japan as of yet. But, I would like to bring that lifestyle here. Or maybe I'll just keep it where it belongs to make it special.

xoxo

RedxBlack

Hello. Good afternoon. My belly has been churning the moment I woke up. I guess I ate too much yesterday or maybe I'm just not good with local food anymore, though they still taste awfully yummy. And I would still take the risk to have them.

I've finally got my hair dyed with red and with a darker shade of brown/black? It's in a nicer looking condition at least. This may not be the best photo to represent my hair but it's actually ombre hairstyle. I dyed my hair inner red. It's going to fade but I'll just enjoy what I have right now.

I had a quick L4D2 session with Mr Ivan last night before I went to bed. We tried to snipe all the zombies and used snipers throughout the game. I'm actually getting better at this game. I honestly prefer shooting games and RPG sort of games. I'm trying to get otome games into the PSP Kai lend to me to bring it over to Japan. I have the best guy pals ever.

Oh yes, can you hear the sound of summer even in singapore? The sounds of crickets and all that jazz, yeah, that's the sound of summer. Looking on the brighter side, it's getting a little bit hotter in Tokyo Japan right now but it's still alright here in Singapore. Thank goodness and I don't have to worry so much about the UV rays. The UV rays in Japan is crazy. No one really noticed how tanned I've gotten, or maybe the tan faded away without me noticing.

I hope that everyone will have a great week ahead. I'm going to prepare to head out to meet with my two ex-colleagues for some catching up. This is really tiring though.

I honestly don't know what's the point of this post but i just felt like doing a little writing. I was writing a long essay of things i want to complain but decided not to since I've already did so on twitter and it didn't look exactly very pleasant. I apologise for that. I always let my emotions take over. x

Back home for the summer holidays

Hello. It's officially the start of my summer holidays so I've decided to go back home to do a little catch up with friends and some settle some other personal stuff while I'm back home. Before I receive anymore tweets or facebook messages asking if I'm back. Yes, I am back home for just a short period of time.

I'm really happy my friends came to fetch me when I reached the airport. I couldn't ask for more love! I hung out with them for the whole of yesterday. We played billiard and had dinner together. Yesterday, I really ate a lot more than I usually would. I can already feel the fats collecting. I really can't help myself! The local food here has never been more tempting. I've ate quite a lot already, I still have half the list to finish eating before I fly back to enjoy the rest of the year back in Japan.

We hung out at the airport for abit before leaving the place. I mean, it's not everyday we get to hang out at the airport. A few instavideo taken while we're at the airport. The second one is pretty hilarious. I call it the "Funny Runny Thing". Apparently, it's my friend running in a odd way that's why it looks really silly and funny.



Follow me on instagram if you would like to see more photos. It's pretty much like a photo album for my photos that I post online. I don't usually attach anything on this blog if you realise.

Summer is pretty alright here. Though it's just my first day back for my holiday, I'm already having the feeling to want to go back to Japan. I'm not sure but nothing seems to make much sense when I'm here. When I'm with my friends, probably but other things, they don't seem to make sense. The language I am listening to doesn't really sound as pleasant anymore.

Anyways, putting the negative thoughts aside, I manage to make my home a mess again straight after I got home. My stuff are everywhere as usual. I came back and cleared away tons of my clothes which I no longer wear them anymore. I realized that I kept quite a lot of junk. I'm really surprised at myself as well. What was I thinking back then?

It's just the first day, today's the second day. I'm going to try to enjoy myself and enjoy home though I'm already having the feeling of wanting to go back to Japan. I texted my classmate and she was thinking the same thing. We both thought, we should have bought a 1 week ticket instead of 2 weeks ticket. But I believe that the days will get better.

I have an appointment at the salon today and I can't wait to get my hair trimmed because it has been a long 4 months since I got it trimmed. I'm going to head for a shower now. See you.

x